Blessings in disguise...

Thanks to all of you who read and posted (or even just read) this week when I was having a bad day/couple of days. It really means a lot to me. Y'all deserve some pie. :o)

Many of you may not know this, but before I was married, I was diagnosed with a condition called "Endometriosis". It's pretty common in women. The prognosis was that I would more than likely not ever be able to have children due to the scarring the disease had done to my reproductive system. I was devistated. Imagine my surprise and sheer joy a month and a half after our honeymoon that a pregnancy test was positive. Ethan was on his way.

Pregnancy and breastfeeding puts endometriosis in sort of a remission-like phase. About a year after Ethan's birth, the endometriosis started to grow again. It was our desire to try to have another child. So, when Ethan was around 1 1/2 we decided to try for another baby. We tried for a year and at one particular doctor's visit, frustrated and discouraged, we discovered that one of my tubes was blocked. This made pregnancy extremely difficult. The doctor scheduled a Hysterosalpingogram (HSG) to try to flush the blockage out. I cried, I begged, I pleaded with God. I wanted another kid so bad. I spent hours browsing the baby clothes in stores, wishing that I had a reason to buy something again. I took every chance to babysit or hold my friends babies. I wanted a baby girl.

I actually didn't end up having the HSG because a few weeks before my appointment, I couldn't keep my Chinese food down. Believing that it was impossible (yet hoping it wasn't!)I took a pregnancy test. I actually took 4 of them because I wanted to make sure that they all came out with the same answer. I found out that I was pregnant with Erin. Incredibly excited (and scared out of my mind!), we began to plan for her arrival.

Why do I bring this up? I do because I felt like I got a clear, strong word from God on Sunday. One of our pastors, Pastor Dave, asked people if they wanted someone to pray with them for whatever they needed. A girl I know, Natalie, went to the altar to be prayed for because she's having some physical issues. I chose to go and pray with her. Meanwhile, Pastor Dave was saying something to the congregation (I didn't catch it all) about people being in a funk lately and needing some peace and direction. I always find it funny that when I step out to pray with someone about something THEY are going through, God always seems to "tap me on the shoulder" and say "Yeah, you're dealing with stuff too". I was. I was the one "in a funk" this week. I felt like God said "You know, you were here at this very same altar 1 1/2 years ago, crying your eyes out because you didn't think you'd ever get that second baby you wished for. You've got her. Now cherish her. Don't just look at the laundry, the mountain of diapers. Look at her. Cherish her. Love her."

It's true. I consider both of our children miracles. I spent almost 10 years of my life pretty sure that I'd never be able to be a mother. And now, especially the last week, I've spent my time complaining that I AM a mother! Aren't people funny? Or dumb...which is it? :o) My children are blessings. The sticky hand prints on my wall are blessings. The chocolate milk stain on our carpet is a blessing. The millions of times Erin wakes up at night is a blessing. The diapers, well...ok, I guess those are blessings too. My point is I need to cherish my kids...my miracles. My life is so much better now that they are a part of it. I can't imagine my life without them, nor would I ever want to. I love them so much.

So, here's to Ethan's ketchupy smiles, baby cereal covering me and Erin, mountains of laundry, me getting soaked to the bone during THEIR bathtime, first words, their tears, my tears and their wonderful daddy who helped make all of this possible. I love you guys and I promise to cherish you more and more each day.



  

  

Yesterday...

So, I actually didn't post yesterday's post until today. I kept it as a draft for a while. Why? I kept contemplating actually posting it because all I was doing was venting and whining and such. Well, we can't always have great days and I'm working on being more transparent--you know, real with people. Yesterday was one of those not so happy, fun days. Needless to say, today is MUCH better. I just need sleep (hint, hint, Erin!). The lack of sleep makes all of my worries seem bigger and uglier than ever before. I end up blowing things way out of porportion.

Tonight, the kids and I went to a little park that isn't far from our house. Erin was asleep in the stroller while Ethan and I got on the swings. It felt so good to "fly". I closed my eyes and let the wind hit my face. I can't remember the last time I did this. It was a great stress reliever. As my friend Cris says: "Sometimes, you just need to breathe." That's what I did. Hopefully, tomorrow will be a little more calm. I might have to hit the swings again. ;o)

Rough day...

Today is rough. The kids have been crying. I've been crying. We're all just whiney. I usually never cry but for the past few weeks, I haven't been able to get ANYTHING done and it's emotionally caught up with me today. I'm in a funk. I can't get the kids to stay down for a nap at the same time. There's always one of them up (and usually screaming). The laundry pile is getting bigger and bigger. I was just caught up last week--what happened?!!? Money is tight. I'm suppose to have a babysitter for a meeting I have to attend in the morning and I'm digging in the couch for spare change to give her. Yeah, I know...sad. We are ok. I'm just emotional and overwhelmed today.

I feel like a failure. I want this sparkling clean house. It seems impossible to attain with kids. 1. When would you have time to clean it??? 2. As soon as you do, it only takes about 1 hour for it to return to the crazy mess it was before. I want to be able to play and have fun with the kids and entertain them. If I do that constantly, where does that leave the house, laundry, dishes, meals...? I want to be a good wife to John. I want to honor him by giving him a clean, calm house to come home to. Everyday, he's greeted with chaos and must be thinking "what did this woman do all day?" when he comes home. I know he isn't but I can't help but think that.

I'm trying to "consider it pure joy" but sometimes it's really hard. This motherhood thing is harder than I thought. I do love it though. I'm just in a funk today.

Book MeMe

1. One book that changed your life. "Keeping A Princess Heart In A Not-So-Fairytale World" by Nicole Johnson

2. One book you've read more than once. "Island of the Blue Dolphin" by Scott O'Dell

3. One book you would want on a desert island. "Grace For The Moment" by Max Lucado

4. One book that made you laugh. "Diary of a Mad Bride" by Laura Wolf

5. One book that made you cry. "The Notebook" by Nicholas Sparks

6. One book that you wish had been written. ???

7. One book you wish had never been written. "The Phone Book"--I don't know! :o)

8. One book you are currently reading. "Really Bad Girls of the Bible" by Liz Curtis Higgs

9. One book you have been meaning to read. "The Chronicles of Narnia" by C.S. Lewis (I've started it but haven't finished it yet!)

10. Three people I tag to do this meme: Kim, Mom & Cris

I've officially lost it...

I'm in love with You Tube. I feel like a kid again. I'm not sure what my deal is but I'm on this "muppet kick" lately. Maybe it's because it reminds me of good times. Good times...(insert SNL clip here). Anyway, not like anyone but me cares, but here is my all time favorite clip. And yes, I've offically lost it. ;o)

Found it!

Law & Order: Special Letters Unit-The Missing M

Today marked a new day in history. I witnessed Sesame Street doing a parody of Law & Order: SVU called Law & Order: Special Letters Unit-The Missing M. I'm still searching You Tube and other places to see if I can find it. I thought it was pretty hilarious. Gotta keep the adults entertained too while the kids watch their shows.

Here's the description from Sesame Street's website:
"Law and Order Special Letters Unit- The Missing M" - a parody of the TV show, "Law and Order." Detectives, including a Richard Belzer look-a-like, within the Special Letters Unit search for a missing letter "M." As they investigate, they find things that start with the letter "M" such as a cow named Murray that makes mmooo sounds. In the end, the detectives recognize the missing letter "M" walking into the police office wearing a phony moustache, and the case is solved.

Apparently PBS is planning on doing 26 segments (one for each letter of the alphabet) and having the L & O characters voice the muppets. Interesting... Anyway... So, until I find the actual link to the show that aired today, I will leave you with this.

Memory Lane...

It seems like I always end up posting around 1 or 2 in the mornings. I should be asleep but the smoke detector battery died and set off the alarm. Fun stuff. I don't really have anything interesting to say. I'm just bored. No news so far on the writing that I submitted. I still have a few more weeks to go though. I did read this article on Relevant's website and it really reminded me of the times that I spent with my hometown friends, Suzanne, Trina and Torri. Just a cool walk down memory lane for me.

She's found her voice...

So Erin has found her voice. She's cooed in the past but it's usually been little quiet coos. This past week, she's discovered the sound of her own voice. I'll be in bed and I'll hear her over the monitor "talking" to the animals painted on her walls. She'll be squealing with delight and carrying on a full one-sided conversation. Last night around 4 AM I heard her cooing. She was asleep (at least her eyes were closed) but she was cooing just as if she were awake. I wonder if she was cooing in her sleep like I sometimes talk in my sleep. Who knows!