Rough day...
Today is rough. The kids have been crying. I've been crying. We're all just whiney. I usually never cry but for the past few weeks, I haven't been able to get ANYTHING done and it's emotionally caught up with me today. I'm in a funk. I can't get the kids to stay down for a nap at the same time. There's always one of them up (and usually screaming). The laundry pile is getting bigger and bigger. I was just caught up last week--what happened?!!? Money is tight. I'm suppose to have a babysitter for a meeting I have to attend in the morning and I'm digging in the couch for spare change to give her. Yeah, I know...sad. We are ok. I'm just emotional and overwhelmed today.
I feel like a failure. I want this sparkling clean house. It seems impossible to attain with kids. 1. When would you have time to clean it??? 2. As soon as you do, it only takes about 1 hour for it to return to the crazy mess it was before. I want to be able to play and have fun with the kids and entertain them. If I do that constantly, where does that leave the house, laundry, dishes, meals...? I want to be a good wife to John. I want to honor him by giving him a clean, calm house to come home to. Everyday, he's greeted with chaos and must be thinking "what did this woman do all day?" when he comes home. I know he isn't but I can't help but think that.
I'm trying to "consider it pure joy" but sometimes it's really hard. This motherhood thing is harder than I thought. I do love it though. I'm just in a funk today.
posted by Rachel Richard @ 4:27 PM
3 Comments:
The beautiful wife smiling with dinner on the table is a myth created by tv. Our mothers never had a clean house until we were all in school all day. It is impossible, unless you are on a sound stage with lots of crew, to pull off with small children. We remember this far away land called "clean house" because we were able to form memmories about the age we started school. Our mothers stayed home when we started school and if they did enter the work force they did it on a limited part-time bases. Now days mothers that stay home when the children are small dive back into the work force and do not have time to create this land of the clean house. It doesn't make you a bad person to not have a clean house. Most times it's not that the house is not clean, it's just cluttered because of the toy's. I say it should be a law that mothers with small children should not be expected to have a clean house until they are in school full time and then they should be given a one year paid sabbatical to recover from the rigors of early childhood.
I'm glad to see from your other post that you are feeling a little better. Believe me, you are not alone. I struggle with keeping the house neat and figuring out where the extra cash will come from. I have days when I want to sit down and cry. What I have learned is to remember that God never said our lives would be easy--sometimes I think this really applies to motherhood! But, He did say He'd never give us more than we can handle. Becoming a mom really taught me to let go some--and it gave me a new mantra. If you only knew how many times a day I repeat the words, "Lord, your grace is sufficient for me." Of course, there are days that I want to add, "But winning the lottery so I could hire a maid would not be unwelcome!"
I'll be praying for you. I hope you find some more ways to have fun, and I do hope Erin gets better with her sleep patterns.
As a side note--walking in the rain does wonders for me. I'm not sure why, but I always feel better afterwards. It's a little crazy, but whatever works!
Thanks for the encouragement. Today is already a better day. I went to bed earlier last night and more sleep seemed to help. :o)
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