Trust me. I know what I'm doing...

“I know what I'm doing. I have it all planned out--plans to take care of you, not abandon you, plans to give you the future you hope for. When you call on me, when you come and pray to me, I'll listen. When you come looking for me, you'll find me. Yes, when you get serious about finding me and want it more than anything else, I'll make sure you won't be disappointed--GOD's Decree--I'll turn things around for you. I'll bring you back from all the countries into which I drove you--GOD's Decree--bring you home to the place from which I sent you off into exile. You can count on it.” Jeremiah 29:11-14 (The Message)

"I know what I'm doing..." How many times have I heard that? :o) That statement is usually followed by a trip to the emergency room or a visit from the fire deparment. The truth is God DOES know what He's doing. He's God! This is a tough lesson that I'm having to learn lately. I like what Jackson Senyonga said this week: "He is I AM because we're not!" We don't always understand His ways, His reasons, His timing. But He is a holy God who knows what He's doing. He has plans--good ones--plans not to harm us. Plans to give us a hope and a future. It just takes a while for me to believe Him sometimes.

That's how I feel about staying home with the kids soon. I'm totally freaked out about it. I know that it's the right thing to do. I know that's what He's told me to do. I'm just scared. I'm trying to figure out how we're going to make it with one income--how I'm not going to pull my hair out or be grumpy all of the time. I have to get it in my head that God does have plans for all of this. Good plans. Plans NOT to harm me. Yeah, that means that I may have to live on peanut butter and jelly for a while. Oh, well. :o) (At least I like it.) And it may mean going without somethings that I consider a normal part of life right now. I'm willing to do this though.

He knows what He's doing. He doesn't need my help or my commentary on it all. He doesn't need my worries, yet He still listens to it all. Amazing...

Prayer

I’ve learned something today. I think I’ve always known it but I’ve never been able to put it into words. We expect God to treat us the way people do because that's what we are use to seeing and feeling everyday. God doesn't work that way. He has unconditional love. We are doing this 40 Days of Prayer thing at our church right now. We’re on day 13. I’m learning that prayer isn't always easy. Communication in general isn't. Sometimes it just sucks! But the closer you get to someone (i.e. God, spouse, friend), the easier it becomes-the more you want to do it-the more you want to make things right. Anyway, that’s my random thought for the day! :o)

Friggin' Answers

"Okay, that thing in the woods, maybe it's a monster, maybe it's a pissed off giraffe, I don't know! The fact that no-one is even looking for us, yeah, that's weird, but I just go along with it because I'm along for the ride, good old fun time Hurley! Well guess what? Now, I want some friggin' answers!" -Hurley, LOST

Wow, do I identify with Hurley! I'd like some friggin' answers, too! About my job that is. I feel so uneasy leaving to have a baby and they don't have anyone to replace me yet. They've known of the possiblity of me leaving since September and known for sure that I'm leaving since December 6th. My last day is April 7th. This leaves me no time to train anyone.

I'm worried that I'm going to be home with a new baby and they are going to be calling me everyday asking me stupid questions about how to fix things. I have to stand my ground. I know it's time to move on from this place. I feel at peace about the whole thing. I guess I just need to trust that it will all work out and if it doesn't...oh, well. It's not on my shoulders. God knows I've asked about every week or so who is replacing me and I always keep reminding the "upper management" of my last day. I guess it's time to take my hands off of it.

If it falls to the ground and crashes, it's not going to be my fault. I've went "along with it because I'm along for the ride, good old fun time" Rachel. I'd like some "friggin' answers" but I'm pretty sure I'll never get these. Oh, well. I guess it's not my problem to solve! :o)

The Name

So the name "Red Ethel Rackham" comes from one of those random name generators. I guess if I were a pirate this would be my name! :o)