For Rachel's sake...

"I was exhausted, worn out and overwhelmed. There were many unfulfilled expectations, too many people wanting too many things from me and I had nothing left to give. I had become so inundated with life that my daily time with God slipped and soon I felt unworthy and inadequate." -Sharon Glasgow

That's me today. I'm spent. I'm just tired. I'm tired of dealing with people and their personality disorders. Tired of trying to be all things to all people. I'm not sure it helped that I read 2 Corinthians 12:9-10 this morning. In fact it kind of ticked me off. I guess it's not a good thing to be ticked off at scripture or God. At least I'm being honest about it.

"Therefore, I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong." 2 Corinthians 12:9-10 (NIV)

What's to boast about? I'm tired of weakness. I'm tired of insults and hardships. I'm tired of persecutions and difficulties. Tired seems to be the recurring word here. I know it's understandable since we have a new baby and she doesn't sleep through the night yet. But sometimes I just want to scream "For my sake, give me a break!".

*sigh* I'm just having a grumpy day. Erin woke up a million times last night, I went to bed late and I had a pseudo-argument with a friend. All things that could equal a bad day. I chose to feel this way though. Maybe that's what the scripture means. We have a choice on how to respond to these things. My first reaction usually wants to be a loud scream. I know that I should be more dependent on Christ. I hate being dependent on anyone. I guess that's a pride thing. I want to be self-sufficient. I forget that there are other scriptures that say this:

"Are you tired? Worn out? Burned out on religion? Come to me. Get away with me and you'll recover your life. I'll show you how to take a real rest. Walk with me and work with me-watch how I do it. Learn the unforced rhythms of grace. I won't lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you. Keep company with me and you'll learn to live freely and lightly." Matthew 11:28-30 (The Message)

Rest...that's what I need. Learning to "live freely and lightly"-that's what I want. How do I "consider it pure joy" when daily life tried to kick my butt? I'm really ok. Some say that they work out their faith with fear and trembling. I just work out mine with kicking and screaming. :o)